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You say i’m pretentious. Discourse, dialogue, emotion. They pervade, usurp the space, invade the silence. But, I like nothing. Nada is nothing. And chao is something like a goodbye, but I think it’s a little more casual then that. I’ve said goodbye a few times. Maybe three of four. To Sadie, to him, and to her. The fourth I can’t be sure of. I may have been too young. Words and thoughts were less then. Can they ever be less? You say, “do you work,” so we can go to bed. But, we aren’t going to bed. We are saying goodbye.  

This weekend I played my favorite game. The old familiar game of what could have been and what could have changed. 

(circa September 20, 2010)

She sits on a bench reading a novel and grips it firmly in her hands. The book is old; she bought it last week at her favorite used bookstore. The bookstore on Sullivan Street with the shiny wooden door. The novel’s canvas jacket is yellow and torn and faded. It’s pages are discolored. The title is printed in a red sans serif typeset. It’s simple. The cover also has a small ladder on it. The ladder is red. She bought it, because she liked the cover. She liked the red and the yellow. 

To understand myself and to embrace loneliness. To realize I’m me, to realize I’m someone: I’m Nic. To be certain and ready and comfortable. But also, to be changing, growing, and in motion.  To enjoy, to experience, to feel on my own. To become what I need to be, what I want to be, what I hope to be. 

Tonight we celebrated Maria Monica’s birthday. There was a small, intimate party where we drank red wine mixed with Coca-Cola and we ate lemon cake with fresh strawberries. We had good conversation. Conversation about politics and people and movies. Tonight was nice. Relaxed and worthwhile and full. We all were so mature, so grown up. We all seemed old tonight. At least, I thought we did.

Happy Birthday Ansleigh, today you turn nine. Keep making funny faces. 

Segovia is a small city. There are some cool cathedrals there. There is a quaint plaza. There is a castle, actually it’s the one that inspired the Walt Disney castle. There is also a famous Roman aquaduct and a decent Sephardic restaurant where we ate lunch. The city holds a mixture of Jewish, Muslim, and Catholic histories and the buildings share them all. We spent a day there with our university. A beautiful day, a day when the sun was high and the air was brisk. We had a quirky tour guide that brought us from landmark to cathedral, building to plaza. He repeatedly used the word, “fuck” in his descriptions. Explaining that, “this building is fucking old,” and, “they missed one fucking stone,” each time making us crack a smile and let out little laughs. I can’t remember what he was saying, but at one point he used the word in a church and our group lost their composure in a fit of laughter. I don’t think he realized why, he just kept on talking. In Spain the word, “joder” is the same as the word, “fuck.” Although, I think “joder” is used more often here and is considered less offensive than it’s English equivalent. I’ve only been here a little while, so maybe I’m wrong, but if I am I’ve gotta say these Madrileños have some dirty mouths. 

Photographs from Segovia, Spain circa January 13th. 

For more photographs click HERE

I lay tucked beneath the cotton blankets of my bed. A choir’s simultaneous breath joins the footsteps of a women on rough oak floors and I realize these are the days; the days when all seems ripe. When a window and a clothes line become grand, fierce, and fulfilling. The window lets in brightness, God, the universe. The light streams in colorfully, through the dyed fabrics of my neighbor’s cloth. Tinted rays of joy in salmon pink, pale mustard, and deep cerulean. The magic reaches my eye, enters my pupil, and fills my mind with energy from the heavens.

Some photographs from around Plaza Mayor and the historic center of Madrid, circa January 11th. 

For more photographs click HERE. 

I’m very far behind on my blogging. I think I set the standard too high with those first posts. They were long. I like fragments. I like pictures. From now on I’m going to post, hopefully regularly, fragments. Little things here and there. I’m going to get into the groove of things. 

A short update: 

Things are going really well. I feel very comfortable in the city. My spanish language skills still aren’t great, but they are getting better. I had a wine tasting class the other day. I want to learn more about wine. The wine here is delicious. Decent wine in Spain is also fairly cheap. I’m busy planning little trips. Trips to Salamanca and Cuenca and Valencia. 

I wrote something on the Metro yesterday:

Sometimes I have moments of complete clarity or creativity.  Moments when ideas come fast and thoughts are intense and vivid. Rapid and colorful, though in the next moment they disappear. It’s only then I realize some things are meant to be lost, some things can only happen once. That’s their beauty and their purpose.