I remember all of those teenage years. The awkward ones. The days, the weeks, the months when I spent my time, my energy on fitting in. On being what people expected. Trying to be, “cool.” They weren’t easy, those teenage years. The ones I spent trying to aclimate myself instead of being myself. The years of perverted of altruism.
Today, I know myself a bit better. I am more uninhibited, more real, and honest, more confident, and more sure. Now, I wonder if those days, the days of adaptation and mitigation were a bit easier than these days of aplomb and quixotic dreams. I think this, because now I can only hope for the best instead of being someone’s best.
I remember you, I do. I remember you like I remember the warm days of my childhood. The days I spent at the beach. The days when salty sea spray and sunscreen covered my body. The days when I ran through the hot sand and into the rough ocean’s waves carefree and happy. In other words, I remember you fondly and I miss you.
You say i’m pretentious. Discourse, dialogue, emotion. They pervade, usurp the space, invade the silence. But, I like nothing. Nada is nothing. And chao is something like a goodbye, but I think it’s a little more casual then that. I’ve said goodbye a few times. Maybe three of four. To Sadie, to him, and to her. The fourth I can’t be sure of. I may have been too young. Words and thoughts were less then. Can they ever be less? You say, “do you work,” so we can go to bed. But, we aren’t going to bed. We are saying goodbye.
